First, I would like to share that there are some of my contacts on Facebook that would like to be kept ignorant of some of the following details, so please be discreet when making comments or posting on my wall. Specifically, do not mention the date please.
If you would rather not know more about my journey, please stop reading now.
I have been on a long and interesting journey since the weekend of November 1st 2014 and many of you know some of the details. However, I know that there must be some of you who due to the nature of Facebook and how things show up have no clue. My apologies if this is the first you are reading of this, for I have news that is difficult to hear.
I was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma of the anal canal on March 9th 2015.
I haven’t yet found a graceful way of telling people that my journey on Planet Earth (this time around) is coming to an end.
Because I refused conventional treatments and the alternative therapies I implemented last spring, summer, and fall were not strong enough to return me to full health, I have been in hospice (at-home) since February 2016 and have made arrangements to die with dignity.
I want everyone to know that I am ok with this. More than ok, I feel I have lived a long, full life and am filled with gratitude that I have the option in this state to decide when I am ready to go (unlike both of my maternal grandparents who just had to die slowly).
I feel complete with the work that I came to do this lifetime and so it may be easier for me than most to consider moving on to the next adventure.
I have already done my spiritual journey work on my transition process and know that many beings are awaiting my “graduation” to this new level and the work that I will be able to do there and are excited that I will be joining them soon.
Most people who know me, know that I am a nudist. However, not everyone is aware of my spiritual path.
There’s lots to my path as it is an eclectic one that has evolved over decades weaving in many varied traditions. I won’t go into all of that now. But, I do believe in an afterlife. It’s actually more than a belief. For me, reincarnation is a fact. I have done too much work with past lives, both my own and for the clients who have come to see me over the last 25+ years to not KNOW that there is another life after this one.
So while we are coming to the last few chapters of Jane Smallman and the Way of the Peaceful Warrior (for lack of a better title that describes what this life has been), there WILL BE a sequel when the time is right. Several in fact. And I am sure that if we want to connect again in another life, then we will. So this is not goodbye, but “see you later”.
I am at peace with this. I am not scared. I feel I am having as good a death as I had a good life. As a friend said to me recently: “You are dying out loud. We don’t do that in our culture”.
I am learning that I can not control other people’s responses to my situation and not everyone can support me.
One thing I DON’T want is for people to find out after I’ve gone and feel shocked and say: “Jane has died and I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye”.
I am posting this now to let you know that I am open to receiving phone calls, texts, emails, and private messages through Facebook to give you this opportunity. As I write these words, I am feeling well enough to respond, but this might not be the case when you reach out. Again, trust that we will connect on this plane or the next.
I’ve been spending the last six months or so taking trips that were on my “bucket list” and visiting with people and attending events and just living life as fully as I could while I could. But for the last few weeks I have noticed that I am getting tired.
And as time has passed, the date of my departure on this plane of existence is becoming more clear to me. If you are so inclined, I am asking people to hold space for me on my transition day. For some, this might be lighting a candle, meditating or praying. I have one friend who is going to sing: “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” from Monty Python (because she and I share that kind of humor and it amuses us).
I am keeping the number of people in actual attendance small, and I am asking them to use their frame drums to “drum me out” using the heartbeat rhythm, since the heartbeat of our mothers is the first sound we hear, I want to hear “the HeartBeat of the Mother” (as Native Americans call the drum) as I depart.
If the timing doesn’t work for you to do something in the exact moment of my transition, know that I KNOW that Time is an Illusion that we all agree to (so things don’t all slide together) and that whenever you send me energy – either before the date and time or after – you can set your intention to have that energy go backwards or forwards in time as needed.
So honor your own need for self-care in this. One of my teachers implanted the phrase of radical authentic self-care in my psyche and I have adopted it ever since as my prime directive. I encourage everyone I meet to do the same.
After I transition, my brother will post on my Facebook page, so you will know I have gone. However, for those of you who want to know beforehand when my transition date is scheduled, keep reading. Otherwise stop here.
I am expecting my transition team to gather at my home about 10 am and we start the ceremony by noon on Thursday, July 7th 2016. It could take all afternoon for me to cross over, but I expect to be gone by dark, which in Seattle is about 9 pm in July.